My Superpower

I have a superpower. Yes, I do. I didn’t acquire it until a few years ago but it might have been there all along. It just took a certain, ahem, maturity to bring it out.  I am a COW.  A Confident Older Woman.  It may not sound like much to you but it for me it ranks up with there the ability to fly or having laser vision.  Sometimes I am a Cranky Older Woman but the results are the same.  I get more of what I want.  Plain and simple and it’s wonderful. Here’s how my particular superpower works.  When one of those  young, sexy, svelte hostesses that are everywhere these days leads me to a table in the restaurant that is right opposite the restrooms or beside the bussing station and asks “is this alright?”, I say, pleasantly,  “No, is it possible to have that table over there?”  And I make eye contact with her and smile.  One must use one’s powers with great geniality.  Sometimes she quickly grabs up the menus she has laid down and says, “of course, no problem”.   Other times she pauses, goes back to the hostess station, consults her lists, confers with another staff member and then turns to me and says  “ Sorry for the wait, of course, no problem ”,  then she removes a ‘reserved’ sign and seats me.  It’s a beautiful thing.

A cow...

That is a very minor example of the use of the power.  I have used it for obtaining reimbursements that were at first denied, refunds that are tough to get, entrance into areas where I shouldn’t be, to get the use of something I need or simply for getting free things or discounts.  I am always pleasant, smiling and polite. Otherwise the superpower doesn’t work.  That’s just being rude or a bully. And if the power isn’t with me that day and I am denied, I accept that graciously. There will be another time.

                                                                                                            A "COW"

You may already have this power and think I’m an idiot for waiting so long to use mine but I was always a good girl. Took what I was given, didn’t ask for too much, didn’t make a scene.  But I’m getting older and I’m losing patience with other people determining things for me.  My husband was at times embarrassed by the use of my superpower but he is starting to really enjoy its benefits and will often employ me to make the requests that he cannot.  The power works best on all the younger people in the service industry, male and female, those young enough to be my children.  It is hard to say no to a woman who might remind you of your mother.  It’s the gift that you get with the thickening middle and the thinning hair.  Use it.

                                                                                                    

Once when seated in a upscale restaurant with friends, our party of four was then ignored for ten to fifteen minutes. Finally the young male host rushed over and apologized for the delay.  My friend gave him her dazzling smile and suggested that a complimentary bottle of Prosecco would help us overlook it. The young man paused for just a moment, trying to resist the power of the COW and then said, “of course, I can do that” and returned with the requested bottle.  My friend would not have made that request fifteen years ago.  There is a time between the years of youth and beauty, when flirtation is very helpful, and the era when the mature COW superpower kicks in and it’s not an easy one. The tired mother with two children in tow is not always well catered to or feels able to ask for what she wants.  She is too busy answering the demands of others.  But that time is behind me now. I am standing my ground, perfecting my pleasant but unwavering eye contact and not backing down.  When someone is heard to mutter, “what a cow” as I walk away I think to myself, “ yes, I am a COW and loving it. “